The holiday season is in full swing, and by that of course I mean the Christmas season. Let’s face it, “happy holidays” is ridiculous, but not in the way people think. It’s not waging war on Christmas, it’s paying lip service to other religions. It’s our way of telling them they have a great personality because the popular one is getting all the attention and we don’t want them to feel bad. And boy do we lavish attention on Christmas like it’s a slutty, barely-legal blonde. For three solid months we spend, spend, spend, not just on presents, but on decorations, food, and Christmas cheer ranging from 5-12% alcohol by volume.
But every holiday has it’s killjoys, and once again I am not talking about anything you could possibly be thinking of, so just stop trying. Seriously, you’re embarrassing yourself, and you need to save that embarrassment for the office party. The killjoys I speak of are the people who are trying to be “good.” The ones who are watching what they eat and drink not because they are worried about their health, but because they think it’s wrong to use Christmas as an excuse to indulge their cravings. Maybe they were raised to believe too much of a good thing by parents who got their wisdom from a page-a-day inspirational calendar, or maybe some kid in sixth grade called them a fatty and they never got over it. The point is, it’s all bullshit.
Christmas is all about indulgence. It’s Jesus’s birthday, and if you’re throwing a birthday party for the Son of God, you damn well better go all out. Come new year’s eve you’re going to resolve to stop doing all the crap you’ve been doing all year anyway, so why hold back now? Christmas is the ultimate “screw it” holiday, which is why January is so bleak and boring. The universe has got you covered in terms of balance, so eat, drink and be merry!
Happy Holidays! (no seriously, you’re awesome and any guy would be lucky to have you).
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