Jesus and Bunnies and Taxes, Oh My!

This is a big week for Americans, at least the ones that earn an income that doesn't consist of shiny pebbles and belong to a certain religion (you know, the one that's God's favorite even though he claims to love every religion equally).  I'm speaking, of course, about Tax Day and Easter.  If you do not fall into the aforementioned category of people who observe these annual traditions but would like to learn more about them, I will be happy to explain them to you backwards foreigners and godless heathens.

For the backwards foreigners, April 15 in America is Tax Day.  On Tax Day Eve after everyone is asleep, the Tax Man goes from house to house searching for unpaid taxes.  People will often try to appease the Tax Man by leaving bourbon, caffeine pills, porn, and other offerings.  If the Tax Man accepts the offering he rewards the household with money, but if he doesn't, he takes money.  Some people try to trick the Tax Man by hiding their money in loopholes (a circle of little holes they dig around their house).  Others seek asylum for their money in a foreign country.  Still others kiss their money tenderly before shooting it in the head.  All is usually in vain, as the old song goes: Toorah lay, toorah lue, the Tax Man always gets his due.  Be it a day or a hundred years, he'll find your money and leave you in tears.

And now for the godless heathens, this Sunday April 20th is Easter Sunday, the most important day in the God's favourite religion calendar.  It marks the day Jesus rose from the dead after being crucified by the Romans and entombed for three days.  On that third day Jesus ascended to the heavens to take his rightful place as the son of God…but not before he dished out some serious payback.  Jesus summoned his faithful animal sidekick, an egg-laying hare named Thunderdome (known today as the Easter Bunny), and together they roamed the streets egging the doors of all the Romans while leaving the non-Roman doors alone.  The egg splatter was the signal for God to kill the firstborn son of that household, because back then women weren't considered important enough to kill.  And that's how the expression "egg on your face" came to be, although it means something entirely different today.

Well, that just about covers it.  All that's left to say is Happy Easter and Merry Tax Day!