Here We Go Again (Part 2)

“Happy New Year” seems like a misnomer to me.  What’s so new about it, really?  Carving time into years is just one of mankind’s futile attempts to control this cosmic merry-go-round.  Every "new" year is the same as the last; the Earth spins on its axis, the seasons cycle in and out, and Disney animals sing about the circle of life.  There is no beginning or end, just the same old crap over and over. 

This realization is just one of the many things that suck about getting older.  When you’re a baby everything is fascinating, especially the things small enough to swallow or shove into light sockets.  But as/if you grow up, the pool of things that fascinate you keeps shrinking until you’re left with nothing but mud.  Driving is fun and exciting when you’re a teenager, but years later when you’re an adult stuck in a daily routine, it’s just another chore.  The same goes for career, marriage, spree killing, etc…endless repetition has a way of sucking the joy out of anything. 

Life needs to be more like the movies.  The whole reason we love movies is because we see cool stuff that would never happen in real life.  But what if it could?  Suppose that giant monsters like Godzilla or the Cloverfield alien showed up occasionally and stomped the shit out of a major city?  And after this has been going on for a while, they start showing up in places like Fort Wayne, Indiana.  Who would see that coming?  “Shame what happened to Chicago, huh Pete?  I’m so glad we live in a quiet peacefulllllllllaaaauuuuhhholyshiiiiiiiiit!”  And sometimes instead of stomping a city, the monster would just take a leak on the tallest building and continue on his way.  Like I said, repetition makes everything boring, even giant monsters, so the trick is to throw in a twist just as people start getting used to things. 

I also think that about fifteen percent of the population should have mutant powers.  You’d have the usual stuff like flying, telekinesis and invisibility plus a few less impressive ones, like the ability to start a lawnmower on the first try.  Think about how much more interesting the headlines would be.  Instead of "Man Stabbed to Death in Bar Fight," we’d have "Man Vaporized by Heat Vision in Bar Fight" or "Man Torn to Pieces by 100 Mind Controlled Guinea Pigs in Bar Fight."  The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately such things have yet to happen.  Nuclear technology seemed promising at one point, but even after several meltdowns and mass hysteria, the results have been disappointing.  Budget cuts have all but shut down space exploration.  Natural disasters have been coasting on their former glory for thousands of years.  That just leaves genetic engineering and ancient prophecies, both of which have yet to deliver.  But one can always hope.